This post was first published on July 4, 2020 for https://www.manilaculture.com/. You can view the original article here.
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At the end of every year, Spotify does a tally of your most played songs and artist. Last year I ended up with Attention by Charlie Puth as my most played song and Sugarfree for my most played artist.
I just know that this year I'd end up with Ben&Ben for both categories. The song would be Lifetime. The words say a lot. The song says a lot. It laments about loss and regret.
It breaks your heart in its short 2:51 runtime. Released on June 4, 2020, the band recorded the song while the world was in lockdown because of COVID- 19.
It's short and sweet. It made me want to write. Much like it, I wrote some short-short stories. To the uninitiated, stories like these take more or less 500 words to convey a thought, or a story. Sometimes called lightning fiction or fast food fiction, they are meant to be consumed in one sitting.
I was first exposed to this method of storytelling when I read Noelle Q. De Jesus' Fast Food Fiction anthology of the same name in college.
The following short-short stories were inspired by Ben&Ben’s song Lifetime
Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Paper planes and porcelain
Smell of rain through the windowpane
And the sight of you
Oh, you were a good dream
My feet felt squishy in my shoes – a most uncomfortable feeling and it was late in the evening and we were on the LRT 2 on the way home to Quezon City from your grandmother’s house in Manila. It’s especially dark this evening thanks to the hard rain outside.
As usual, I opted not to bring an umbrella. I don’t think anyone expected this torrent. Oh, how I hate the rain especially in the Metro. I admit I hate it not because I always end up feeling cold when it’s raining. The cold I can live with, that’s nothing to me; it’s the muck the rain brings forth that I have an issue with. I remember us playing in the fields back when we were kids.
This is not mud though - just black muck with a questionable composition.
My feet felt squishy in my shoes– a most uncomfortable feeling. I hate to dwell in that fact but I ended up going through said muck outside the LRT station.
Being a boy from the province, I’m used to mud. You and I come from families who’ve made a living from farming. Who would have thought we’d end up being in a relationship? I was awkward, frail, and mangy and you were beautiful. Years later we’d reconnect and I’d still be the awkward guy and you’d be perfect.
I glance at our reflection on the opposite side of the cart. There we were seated inside the train with your hand in mine. You’re resting your head on my shoulder trying to doze off. I remember asking to go the following day instead but you wanted to visit your lola and so even though I thought it was too late in the evening who was I to say no?
I squeeze your hand but you don’t squeeze back and I think to myself that you’re asleep.
I smile.
My feet felt squishy in my shoes– a most uncomfortable feeling and just as the PA system was announcing the train’s arrival at Betty Go Belmonte station, you wake up. You kiss and thank me for the evening. I offer to take you to your own apartment in Anonas but you insist that you’ll be safe. The rain had died down besides, you know how much I hate being outside when it’s raining.
I give in. I squeeze your hand, you squeeze back and we take one last look at our reflection. I then kiss you goodbye before I get off at Gateway. We had this tradition of looking at each other through the windows as the train takes you away from me.
I should have known that it would be the last time we’d be together. [452 words]
I was scared to lose you then
But secrets turn into regrets
Buried feelings grow
Oh, you were a good dream
I could not believe it when you mentioned that you’ve never read the Harry Potter series.
It happened during a drinking session at one of the KTVs along Meralco Avenue. Prior to this, we’ve always seen each other at the office but we’ve never really hung out. You were my best friend’s teammate. Apparently he was attracted to you and he thought it best to introduce you to me and our group of friends.
Since then, I made it my personal mission for you to go through the aforementioned series. You said you’d do it if I read through the Dune series – something I’ve never had the patience to read. I agreed.
Our office had a huge shared space. There was this nook where people could just sit and chill during breaks. We made it ours. My best friend laughed at us whenever he’d see us but we ended up enjoying our shared time together. I looked forward to us sitting across each other as we read through our “assignments”.
You were halfway through The Prisoner of Azkaban and I was about to finish Dune Messiah when I started thinking there might be something there. At first I chalked it up to us just having compatible personalities, after all, we would not have been friends with the same person if it weren’t the case.
We started hanging out some more. You even spent some nights at my place as we watched Harry Potter movies as well as the miniseries Frank Herbert's Dune. A couple of months later you finished Harry Potter so we moved onto the movies. It was a no-contest, Dune would take longer to read but I was glad to plod through it as long as I got the chance to hang out with you some more.
It was not unusual for 2 girls to hang out together but deep inside I knew I was after something else.
I never should have answered your call that morning. You sounded so excited when you told me that he asked you to marry him. I had to pretend to be glad. I cried after that phone call.
I never did finish the Dune series. [364 words]
Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more
To the warmth we had before?
It was Tuesday afternoon and I’m sitting at the only table with the only other available seat in a small bookshop/café in Cubao Expo. It was a small place to begin with. It could hardly be called a café but I loved that place. You can read through their books as long as you ordered their specialty drinks.
While I was in the middle of a graphic novel with Superman on it, I hear a girl’s voice asking if she could share the table with me. I say yes. A few minutes later, you say excuse me and introduce yourself. You start asking me about Superman. We start talking. 2 hours later, I ask you out.
We go on a couple of dates. I did not come clean about being in a relationship. I should have told you that it was going nowhere fast, that the only reason I was in that small-ish café in the first place was to get away from it all.
I should have told you that you made me feel like home.
I should have told you a lot of things but I was too caught up in the lie. I was too scared to lose you had you known the truth.
Then you found out and we have not spoken since. [217 words]
Tangled with another's eyes
Never mind, you were never mine
Glimpse of me and you
Oh, you were a good dream
She is the most beautiful girl on campus. Everyone wants to be with her and you’re sitting opposite her on an IKOT jeep.
Its cliché, I know, but she is sunshine and rainbows personified. She lights up any room she enters and you amongst many others are enamored with her. She probably noticed you staring and you smile.
She smiles back.
As she looks away you start playing FLAMES HOPE in your head. You started wondering if she’s open to naming your first child Luke if it were a boy and Leia if it were a girl. You thinking about how her first name would sound with your last name…
You start daydreaming of UP Fairs spent together when Manong Driver stops the jeep and announces “Vinzon’s!” She gets off.
There is a guy waiting for her at the waiting shed. They kiss.
The jeep drives off. [147 words]
Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more?
I saw you through the clear glass windows as you got off the elevator. You look at me and smile. I walk towards you.
At this point the entire office knows we started dating. You asked me if it was my break yet and I say it’s anytime I want it to be. You take my hand and you playfully drag me toward the lifts.
It was a nice evening with a full moon out and we were holding hands. The office is a few meters away from Salcedo Park. We saunter around with nary a word - afraid that our voices would ruin the evening. I hail a cab after an hour of this and kiss you good night.
A week after, you get a new job in the opposite side of the Metro. It was closer to your place so it’s convenient for you. I listen to your stories about your new adventure without me. I listen with genuine interest knowing how happy you are with your new path.
The conversations become less and less frequent. I ask you if everything is alright and you tell me it is. You say “Babe, I’m sorry. It’s just been so busy at work and I’m struggling to keep up.”
You fail to mention that you also had a new boyfriend. [220 words]
I'd spend a lifetime waiting in vain just to go back to the way we were before
Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more
To the warmth we had before?
We’re having breakfast and you’re mad again. I have no idea why. These days I honestly don’t know what would set you off. A few minutes ago I simply asked how last night’s interview went.
You get up from your chair in front of the kitchen table and grab your mug.
--
A week ago:
I understand it can get frustrating not having any work while we’re on lockdown. It isn’t your fault you were laid off; the store just couldn’t support its employees not after 4 months of quarantine. Nobody asked for this to happen.
Something tells me it’s more than just that.
--
Your face is all red. I’ve made fun of that face you make when you’re angry. You’ve never been one for words but I can see it in your eyes – that white-hot fury. A ball of pent up aggression and it’s directed at me. It’s directed at our relationship.
--
A year ago:
We attend your cousin’s wedding. During the reception, they tease us if we’re ever going to get married. You laugh at it as if it were a joke.
During the drive home, we talk about the wedding and how we’d plan ours.
I ask you the same question your mom and titas asked earlier and like the many other times we’ve had this conversation you mutter yes under your breath then change the topic.
--
You tell me to get off your back. You scream at me to stop nagging you. You throw the mug
--
Four years ago:
You left your phone on the couch. I had to open it.
I had to know.
I read your conversation with her. When was the last time you said those sweet nothings to me?
I confront you about it later that day. We fought and I moved out but you chased after me crying. You say you’re sorry and that you’re lost without me.
I take you back.
--
The mug goes sailing across the kitchen and for a moment, it’s all I can see.
--
Seven years ago:
I received a scholarship to study abroad to take my Masters. It was just a shot in the dark and I never expected to get a response from the foundation I sent the application to.
A few months after, I get the email. I was so happy. I tell you about it when you got home. You were happy too but then you asked me if I’ll be alright being by myself in another country for 3 years. You say you’ll miss me.
You ask me if I thought about how you’d be alone too and who will take care of you when I’m not there.
You made a compelling argument. The next day I turned down the scholarship.
--
The mug hits the wall. Like this relationship, it shatters into a million pieces - spraying the rest of your coffee all over the kitchen floor.
--
12 years ago:
I started college and you were there. We hit it off as friends then you started courting me. You were a different person back then. You’d laugh a lot and I loved laughing along with you.
You were sweet. You would always be there to take me home. You love writing poems for me.
I miss you. I miss us.
You always made me smile.
--
I’m crying. There are no words for the pain I’m feeling. I can barely breathe.
You storm out. I hear you go out the main door. I tell myself I can fix this. I get up and try to get some paper towels.
I stop and rub the tears from my eyes.
I walk out. [618 words]
Is there a lifetime waiting for us?
All this time, I have been yours
Every day you’d see him sitting there underneath the guyabano tree.
For the last three years, he’d come up on this old sky blue Beetle. He’d bring a reclining chair and just spend hours there in silence. He’d even bring a tent if it were raining.
At times you’d see him talking perhaps to the wind, perhaps to himself, perhaps to a memory. Half the time you could see him crying.
One day, he stopped showing up. A week after a fresh grave was dug underneath the guyabano tree. [88 words]
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